Archive for Wednesday, March 7, 2001

I’m really indecisive … I think

March 7, 2001

I am indecisive. The time has come that I must admit that to myself and seek help. I was at a sandwich shop last weekend, the kind that makes the sandwiches in front of you. By the time I left the restaurant, I was no longer hungry, but fatigued by a lengthy Q and A session. The questioning began with bread type, then meat, and then condiments. I knew that I wanted a turkey sandwich; that part was easy, but when faced with every vegetable in the garden, every sauce known to man, and a slew of spices, I froze.

"Tomatoes, no, olives instead."

The peppers gave me the most trouble. Green, bell, jalepeno, pickled, it was like the United Nations of Peppers had sent their representatives. Then came the sauces. Mayo sounded sensible, but maybe too plain. Horseradish was too exotic. Barbecue didn't fit.

"Mustard, no, spicy mustard, on second thought, do you have Dijon mustard?"

Then the man making my sandwich asked me which spice I wanted. Should I choose salt, pepper, oregano, cayenne pepper, or Parmesan? I wished that I had ordered peanut butter and jelly.

After an hour or so, I left the restaurant, sandwich in hand, dizzy from analyzing the relationships between pickles and pepper and turkey and tomatoes. When I finally ate the sandwich I was disappointed. After all, I'd done enough thinking to solve global warming and the result tasted just like any other sandwich. I expected a masterpiece, something to warrant the blood, sweat, and tears that went into dressing what began as a simple craving.

I fear that the sandwich shop is not the only restaurant my indecisiveness will bar me from. Ordering from a menu might still be a possibility, as long as I don't have to choose between fries or vegetables, or pick one dressing out of a thousand for my salad. Pizza is out of the question. Thin crust, thick crust, pan, stuffed, the list goes on. And toppings, I might as well forget ordering out ever again. A cafeteria or buffet could completely paralyze my brain.

I do have options though. I won't starve. I can stock my freezer full of identical TV dinners and go to restaurants that offer one main dish per night. I could become a vegetarian and cut out half of my decisions. Maybe there is a support group for people like me, maybe Indecisives Anonymous. I found a series of inspirational tapes, "Choose or Lose! Conquer Your Indecisiveness." I have meant to start listening to them, the only problem is that I can't decide which tape to listen to first. Tape one, two, three, four.?

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