Too many Aprils Fools around here
As April Fools goes, I took a beating. And, it came from both sides of the big pond.
If you didn't see the "lost" posters put up all around town regarding me, you're one of the few. They were plastered all over windows, poles, walls and anything else that didn't move. They had a goofy picture of me with this message: "Lost. Have you seen this man? Do not approach; needs medication (or at least a pack of smokes); last seen driving like a teen-ager in a little red Corvette (or was that a green Mustang?) If seen, please call 1-800-April Fool!
The first one I saw was on our kitchen window. It appeared around 11:15 p.m. I immediately had a suspect in mind, but had no idea how many accomplices were involved or how wide spread this effort had gone.
Then, Sunday morning, I bumped into a neighbor while walking the dog and he asked me "did you see the poster?" I said, yes, what do you know about it? He said, "I don't know who they were, but it was four women in a green Expedition."
Hmmmm. That would be Christina Madl. That would confirm my lead suspect Laura Morford. It wasn't too far of a stretch to add a third, Christina's Hair & Nail partner, Ann Pearson. This was wrapping up quite nicely. The fourth was easy Lumberyard Linda (Gastelum). Nope. Couldn't be. She was in Florida with the Baldwin High band. The fourth, as it would turn out, was a poor, helpless non-participant who just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. I know who you are, but I forgive you. As we tell our teen-agers, peer pressure is not a good thing. This "peer," actually a trio, was way too much.
Laura, Christina and Ann. This group is trouble. Why would they do this to me? Well, let's just say we have way too much fun. For three weeks out of the month, it's just Christina and Ann that I have so much fun with at the backshop hair place. When I want to know what's going on in Baldwin, I go there. And, I go there every day. On that fourth week, in strolls Laura. Time for hair ... and nails. Gosh, do we have fun.
Now that I look back on it all, the red flags were up. Christina mentioned several times that she had a picture of me and they were upset that I hadn't let them know when my birthday was. They'd get even she said. Boy, did they. I spent an hour that Sunday pulling "lost posters" off windows, etc., downtown. I didn't know they were every where else.
Of course with the lead suspect, Laura, I had e-mail conversation immediately. I said "just what did you do Saturday night?" She replied with a constant drivel of "what do you mean? I was at home watching a movie with my friends." She maintained her innocence throughout. I knew better. Then, on Tuesday (the Hair & Nail girls don't work on Monday, of course), when I confronted Christina about the sighting of the green Expedition involved with the posters, she quickly ratted out Laura and Ann. Hmmmm. I wasn't surprised.
I had already posted a sign with Christina and Ann's picture, doing their hair, on their door. The simple inscription was "pay backs are hell." I had their attention. They flew a white flag outside the next day.
But, we weren't done. I made another trip in downtown Baldwin to pick up the few posters that were inside businesses that I couldn't get to Sunday. At one, I won't mention which, I took the sign down as the proprietor came to the front. I said I'm just collecting these around town. She said "Oh, did you find him?" Poor girl. She had no clue what was going on. I pointed to the poster and said "That's me." She was dumbfounded, not understanding what April Fools was all about. This reignited my aim to get back at the trio.
The Pirate flag was flying this Tuesday. The message was simple "I take no survivors." Watch out, Laura, Christina and Ann. Pay backs are hell.
As for the other April Fools joke, it was hoisted on me by my sons, Anthony and Brett, who were in France. They called at 12:01 Sunday, April 1. Brett was on the line. He said in a very somber voice "Dad, we're in the airport. We're coming home a day early. We got caught in a pub last night so Mrs. Moreau (trip sponsor) is sending us home. I'm sorry."
I'm freaking out. The wife, who has been dead asleep, finally starts dancing around. I tell her to get on the phone. She does. Brett explains again. Then he says "is it April 1 there, too? April Fools."
Very funny. I already had a "lost poster" hanging in my kitchen window. What a beating I took. The number of April Fools jokes I pulled? Zero. We'll see about next year.