Archive for Wednesday, June 28, 2000

Rapping Shaq, don’t come back

June 28, 2000

The day after the Lakers won the NBA Championship the headlines read, "Lakers celebrate with safe parade."

I thought to myself, "Are you serious? A 'safe parade' should not be the lead of the story." Then I remembered it was Los Angeles, and I realized how much I wish the Pacers could have won.

The citizens of Indianapolis would not have used the win as an excuse to turn over cars, break windows and lute. With a Pacer's victory the headlines might have read, "Fans Celebrate with Bird" or "Miller Thanks Fans for Support."

The Sports Illustrated article focused on how Kobe and Shaq had "endured a great deal of disappointment for players so young."

Whaaatever.

So the Lakers have choked in a couple of the previous playoffs. Did the reporter miss the whole decade of the '90s? That time when a certain team from Chicago dominated the Eastern Conference and Indiana's only hope was to make it past the second round. Reggie Miller, Rik Smits and Dale Davis have been losing in the playoffs since Kobe was in middle school.

Indiana has not won a NBA Championship in the 24 years of the franchise's history. Los Angeles has won a championship in almost every decade.

Okay, so probably the best team won, and I should give it up, but I think you will all sympathize with me on my biggest fear

Shaq rapping.

I beg you Shaq, please don't reunite with your rap posse to make a new album about the championship. I can just hear the MTV headlines, "Shaq Diesel has returned to the rap scene with his new rap song called 'I Gotta Ring.'"

Shaq: I gotta ring, yo, do you want me to shine it?
Posse: nooooo
Shaq: do you want me to flaunt it?
Posse: nooooo
Shaq: do you want me to slam it?
Posse: yeah, slam it just slam it!

Uggggh It would have been much more pleasant if the Pacers would have won. If not for the sport, at least for our ears.

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